Maelstrom of churning emotions

2012-01-07T00:09:00.000+08:00

2012-01-01T09:58:00.004+08:00

I think this is the first time since I've had this blog in which I didn't have a New Year's Eve post, a reflection of my life in 2011 and my wishes and dreams for 2012. I guess things do change as people grow up. To be honest, my last minutes of 2011 passed rather disappointingly and in my first few hours of 2012, I have already learnt a new lesson.

The past year has been a great year for me. One thing I've gained a lot of is independence. Being away and having to deal with many things on my own has taught me to develop an inbuilt survivor instinct. It has taught me lots of social skills and tested my principles and boundaries one too many times. But I'm proud to say that I didn't let myself down by ceding to the whims of (to be melodramatic for a bit) evils. While I have had many times of handling the situation wrongly and taking a detour to my destination, each time is an experience. Live and learn. I hope that the coming year ahead will continue to be evidence of my personal strength.

My year ended in a slight note of depression (the awfully horrible Channel 5 live show of the Countdown in Singapore honestly didn't help the situation at all - what happened to local talents?! I reckon it's embarrassing to say that we have any talent given that display on TV.) and my new year started with a trying situation. My first few hours of 2012 saw me in a situation of tears and then the first few hours in the morning, again. It was the experience of planning and booking the weekend getaway during the Chinese New Year period for Josh, Val and I. Despite making the effort to go down to the bank when I got back to update all my details, the bank still managed to mess up big time and I wasn't able to proceed with my payment. It was stressful cos there was only a short reservation time for booking flights and hotels before it expires and you got to go through the process again. I went through the process a good six times at least! Each time, there's a risk that it may become more expensive or unavailable. STUPID UOB! I was so stressed up, but finally with help from the parental units, the issue was solved. I feel much better now that everything is settled, but also I learnt that sometimes Life throws you obstacles that are not your fault/doing, instead of getting overly frustrated and upset, you should focus on the problem and try to find a solution for it.

Wiser each day.

2011-12-31T01:23:00.002+08:00

Last day of twenty eleven tomorrow. How many New Years has this blog survived through?

Too soon for twenty twelve, I reckon.

But, really excited for all that's to come in future.

Don't hold your breath.

2011-12-08T19:11:00.001+08:00

You are pushing me to a breaking point and you need to stop.

2011-12-08T18:18:00.002+08:00

I'm finding that it is becoming more difficult and I'm scared.

I know no relationship/kinship/friendship is perfect in this world, but lately I've been finding it really hard to cope with the many little strains I've experienced in all of them. And it's making me really upset. While away for almost one year, I've realised that it is possible for me to handle stressful situations calmly and slowly. Occasionally, I lose it and revert back to the old me of handling things - getting upset and annoyed easily with everyone and not really solving the issue at hand. But I have seen myself mature into a more sensible person. Lately though, I'm feeling as if I am reverting back to my old self more and more. I hate myself for that. Where is my willpower and self-discipline? On top of that, I am faulted and made to explain the situation. I am trying my hardest and I hate the word "try", but it's honestly the only thing I can do at this point for time. I am so disappointed with myself and I don't think anyone will be able to understand the effect that has on me. I've seen that change, why is it disappearing?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh. JUST NEED SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND AND STOP HOLDING ME IN ALL THESE HIGH EXPECTATIONS. STOP, because I can feel myself this close to bursting.

2011-11-30T19:48:00.001+08:00

2011-11-30T19:42:00.001+08:00

I love Mila Kunis.
I think she's gorgeous.

2011-11-29T18:05:00.000+08:00

2011-11-29T17:45:00.003+08:00

So, finally. After almost a year of being away, I'm home :) Back in the comforts of my bed, family and the addition of two new dogs (Buddy and Toby). It's been great, apart from the really annoying weather. It's kinda weird being back in my room and seeing that it remained almost exactly in the same state as I left it in February. Yet, its owner has changed so much over the year. It's comforting, yet slightly bewildering.

I bought a photo album yesterday to store all the photos I printed from my Uplands/Penang days. I guess putting away these memories in the photo album instead of displaying them around in my room like I used to is representative of the "one step forward" I'm taking from those days. Don't get my wrong - I'm not throwing away the friendships and memories made from those days; I'm merely keeping them aside as a good, good part of my life and adding onto my life the new friendships forged and love created in this past year. It was nice (for lack of a better word) to be reminiscing over those days. But it was better knowing that I had that strong foundation and I am now onto a bigger, greater part of my life. On my way to world domination! Haha. Jokes aside, I am growing up... and fast. Good? Bad? We shall have to see where it leads.

Apart with the lpy, I havent' really been going out much. I guess I didn't have this urge to wanna hang out with friends so much, given that I feel like I've missed out on heaps of family time. So I'm trying to limit it. It is also because I've picked up some fun stuff to do at home, like painting, cross-stitching and cooking. Oh god, I sound like I'm prematurely ageing already! I painted (or tried to) a replica of Picasso's The Dream the other day. Quite a success for a first-timer, I must say. :) Very pleased.

Summer 2011. Is. Going. To. Be. Amazing.

Come mid-December, we will fly to the US! LA, Vegas and San Francisco :D and then to Taiwan for food and more shopping! I'm so looking forward to exploring these new places of the world, shopping, eating and having fun with the family. Most of all, I'm soooo excited to see the Grand Canyon! In January, Kristian is coming down to Singapore on transit and I YUNE (!!!) is going to stay with me for a couple of days :D After one year, my exploring buddy is HERE! :D Lpy, Val and I will watch Simple Plan Live in Singapore on Jan 15 and then a week later, Josh will be here! :D It'll also be CNY then, so I'm heaps excited about showing him around and him meeting the family. It's all gonna happen so fast once December arrives and then before I know it, I'll be flying back to Aussieland. Time, slow down a little baby.

2011-11-05T07:40:00.004+08:00

Less than 10 days to final exams.

Less than 20 days to going home.

Less than 30 days to finishing first year.

Less than 40 days to Val's birthday.

Less than 50 days to Vegas, LA and San Francisco.

It has all happened so fast. Moving into Ursies on my first day seemed to be a dream

that happened not too long ago. In this one year here, I have had to make so many decisions without help. Having to deal with situations on my own and handling all sorts of people by myself have taught me one very crucial thing. Keep calm and think through things objectively... as hard as it may be sometimes. I have to admit though, sometimes I'll still let my heart lead my head. Right now, I just want to work my butt off for the finals and then when I'm finally done on the 16th, I'll heave the biggest sigh of relief for the year. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to hang out with Val... it's actually the one thing I'm looking forward most to. I think being away for a year makes me appreciate her as a sister more than ever, just as Dad

predicted. Although I'm sure once I'm home, we will resume our daily squabbles again. I can't wait for Christmas and to cook for the family. I can't wait to go shopping and painting with Val. I can't wait to walk the dogs and resume Pilates/gym/swimming at the club. I can't wait for our December holiday to the US and Taiwan. I can't wait for January when Josh comes over. I can't wait for Chinese New Year, getting dressed up and visiting. I can't wait for the possible Penang trip. I can't wait to watch movies with the family. I can't wait for exams to be over. I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Life cannot be any better right now :)

2011-09-12T22:34:00.001+08:00

2011-09-12T22:08:00.003+08:00

This weekend has been good :) Really good.
I think I needed this break over the past four days to just spend time with myself - spiritually, physically and mentally recharge to deal with the upcoming term and mid-semester break. I went and do what I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. And it felt good. I guess that's my answer to how I cope with so much going on in my life everyday, from day to night. My once-in-a-while-me-times :) Love it! Alex is going back to Sydney tomorrow and you'll be back in Canberra tomorrow. It's a good feeling knowing that there is so much independence and freedom. It's healthy. It's stress-free. It's mature. It's good. I'm looking forward to it :)

One other thing that I am excited about - going home! I can't wait to be home with the family. I'm nervous of how it's gonna be like. The fact that I've had so much independence and freedom the entire year to make my own decisions, not having to answer to anyone but myself for my actions. I really hope that going home will be a smooth transition and that everything works out. But regardless, I can't wait to spend time with the family, cook for them, make them breakfast and see the two new additions - Buddy and Toby :)

Life is good to me, really good :)

2011-09-05T21:25:00.001+08:00

Three down, one to go! I can't wait for Wednesday to be over. Thursday and Friday is going to be soooooo amazing :D This is my attempt at being calm and composed: I am truly excited.

xoxo

2011-09-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

2011-08-29T10:20:00.002+08:00

Please please please please let me survive the next two weeks of uni.

Tomorrow - International Business Case Study Presentation (10%)
Wednesday - German test (20%)

Next Monday - International Business Report (40%)

Next Wednesday - Statistics Assignment (10%)

Sadface :(

Jess came down for the weekend. It was amazing, but I didn't get any work done (obviously). We spent Saturday down at Gold Creek Village in Cockington Green, shopping the nice, little quaint shops and having tea/talk at Adore. We spent the entire Sunday with Josh walking different trails, chatting and enjoying the wonderful warm weather and a picnic at Tidbinbilla. It's Monday now and Hectic has arrived.

2011-08-23T10:25:00.003+08:00

This time round, I'm really happy. It feels right in the sense that there is no pressure to conform, no stress to meet expectations. Just a right amount of comfort and independence, but more importantly, the ability to share and talk on just about anything without feeling like I will be judged. Looking forward to skyping with Mum to tell her all about it :)

2011-08-20T15:31:00.005+08:00

Wonderful fish and chips + seafood dinner with one of my best friends.

Talking in Lizzie's room and LoTR.

Bacon and eggs with toast for breakfast.

Unplanned dinner at Happy's.

Charming, amazing friends at housewarming.

Pancakes with butter and maple syrup for breakfast.

Oh, I could so get used to this :)

2011-08-17T00:12:00.002+08:00

Harry Potter, McDonalds, tea time, peanut m&ms, stories of our lives.

LoTR, facepalm, tea time and your jacket.

2011-08-13T20:38:00.003+08:00

Life is a funny thing indeed :)

Thai food, quirky little bookstore, Mt Ainslie, Maccas ice cream stop, Black Mountain - you do seem a little too incredible to be true.

2011-08-11T20:29:00.000+08:00

2011-08-11T20:19:00.002+08:00

I'm not one to regret the things I do, though at this point in time, I wish things would go back to how they were before. I wish I never made that move and I wish you would just be how you used to be with me. They say taking the leap of faith will only bring you places you've never been. This current place I'm in, however, isn't all that lovely. Sure, I have all I need and everyone who cares and loves me around me. But I miss being able to talk to you without feeling like it will somehow turn awkward, or just come by to yours and chill and hang out without having to hesitate and have second thoughts. Your place used to be one of my comfort zones, and you, my confidante. Now? It's all kinda messed up. Hopefully she's right and things will soon work out.

I miss you.

2011-08-07T19:41:00.004+08:00

That was quick, but clean and neat. When it ended, I think we both felt relieved. Some things are better off the way they were. It's kinda bad for me to say, but I'm actually happier this way. Of course there were good times and times we really did connect, but on a whole, with your personality and my character, it would have been ugly if we let it drag on. You, on the other hand... you are beautiful. You did what you hate doing tonight and for that, I'm sure you do have a soul in you somewhere. Mini chapter closed, now to handle all that's going on in my life one at a time. Busy bumblebee.

And for what I really need right now... Omnomnom.

2011-08-07T11:36:00.001+08:00

Maybe that's what it all comes down to.

Love, not as a surge of passion,

but as a choice to commit to something, someone,

no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.

2011-08-06T00:06:00.002+08:00

Vennemoe and Greenwood, you both are amazing :D It's weird how you two just know what to say and do to make it feel like the world is all alright and I'm just over worrying stuff. Lifted my mood up completely! Talking to Mum and Fi helped a lot too. I know what to do now and I feel wonderfully at peace with my decision. Yay :)

2011-08-05T14:30:00.002+08:00

Today I realised that there are bigger things in life than dwelling on the little unhappiness that surrounds you. While things may not be smooth-flowing all the time, you still have your Mum, your best girls and your life that is going so wonderfully. On a lighter note, my swimming time trials - oh it makes me jump with joy and burst with happiness!!! I went down from 43 seconds to 37.8seconds today! I now feel that for sure, I can do pretty well in UniGames and that's a huge encouragement for me and goal to work towards to :) Especially since I'm funding this on my own, I wanna accomplish something outta it. I am soooo excited!!! You're a minor setback but hey, life goes on ;)

Be who you are and say what you feel, beacuse those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Words of wisdom from Dr Seuss.

2011-08-04T17:09:00.002+08:00

I do believe that I'm a fairly reasonable person. While I can be obnoxious and downright demanding, once it boils down to the serious things, I know the boundaries and can be appropriate. However, I am a girl (and yes, I am going to pull out the sexist gender card here) and I do insist that I be treated like a princess occasionally. xoxo

2011-08-02T21:39:00.002+08:00

I'm 19, and as I was reminded by quite a number, it's the last of my "teen" years. Soon, I'll be an adult. The day I turned 19, I had this weird mix of emotions hanging around me like an annoying housefly. It made me rather uncomfortable the entire day, even though the random people coming by my room and friends wishing me and lovely dinner with my closest few in Canberra made it momentarily better, it still lingered. While I think it was really hard that the family wasn't around me that day and that's what caused some of the weird mood, I can't quite put a finger to exactly what it is still.

Like the butterfly, a part of me wants to spread my wings of independence and fly, conquer this huge, beautiful and exciting world. A part of me wants to stay in the comfort that I've known my entire life and just live. Though the latter is definitely not as prominent as the former. Inwardly, I'm terribly excited but also terribly frightened. What will this year bring? Love? Heartache? Newfound friendships? Reunions? Adventures? I'm not sure if stepping out of 18, I'm ready for all that yet. I have a feeling it'll be like a huge wave that hits me when I least expects it. I mean, the first wave has already come along.

I've taken a step of being out of my comfort zone - it scares me, in case you're not aware. I'm an assured girl, confident and independent in my own right. When it comes to my heart and emotions, however, like you, vulnerability is what freaks me out. Being with you forces me to be independent and mature more than and quicker than the pace I've been comfortable with. It's not a bad thing, though I'm not sure if it's a good thing either. You've been there, done that. So I suppose you can be over it at this stage of your life. But I haven't been through those stages of my life yet and while I would love to match up in thoughts, feelings and all, sometimes I wish you would cut me some slack and indulge me. Not for any other reason apart from the reason that my growing up takes time. Once in a while, I don't think that's a lot to ask for. You're an interesting and lovely being. Awfully annoying at times, but I've seen a side that's just wonderful, sweet and caring. It's what tells me that behind that steel-faced attitude and confidence, there's a human side of you that's simply just beautiful. And it's fun when you show a tinge of it :P

Well, I guess it takes a little getting used to, but I hope this will stay with me through this coming year. And side by side, we'll grow together as a person, friend and lover. Goodbye 18, you've been a joy to be in. I've grown so much and experienced so much during then and I'll always treasure those memories. But 19 promises growing up, 19 promises more wonders ahead. Deep breaths, Cheryl. You can do this. :)

2011-07-29T17:13:00.002+08:00

2011-07-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

2011-07-25T17:04:00.002+08:00

I don't ever want to have regrets in my life. Regrets over not doing something I really wanted to do, regrets over not being with someone I want to be with, regrets over not chasing my dreams and following my heart (and mind). I don't know how hard it is to achieve that for the remaining of my life. Although so far, I don't recall anything significant in which I have regrets over. It's been led well, led good; fulfilling :)

Coming to university, I can't really say that it has been life-changing as such. But it has definitely changed the way I think, act and choose to behave. I'm more ambitious and determined than ever - in the sense of choosing to chase after what I want because I know that if I don't, someone else will just come by and grab the opportunity off me. And Life don't come knocking with second chances often. I'm more willing and daring to head into new and untouched waters - with going places, trying food, meeting people. It's been a great semester and I'm so excited to this new one. Maybe what they say is true, the enthusiasm will die down after I reach my second year or third... but I'm pretty sure my enthusiasm for life will always be there. The world is my playground :)

2011-07-20T17:05:00.003+08:00

Unexpected.

Refreshing.

Mysterious.

Playful.

Mature.

New.

Happy.

♥

2011-07-16T13:50:00.002+08:00

Don't you think it's amazing how people open up to you with stories of their lives, their families and their pets so easily? I think it is. Not just anyone though, but the elderly whom I visit every Friday evening - my solitude away from the craziness of my daily life and society. Tucked away in the Aged Care Recovery Ward of Calvary Hospital, these beautiful old women have so much love to share, so much knowledge to pass on and so much to offer behind their long-sighted glasses and flowery-patterned sheets. Gwen, Mary and Helen. I mean, who would have ever thought that they would step into my life and mean something. The other Friday when I went into Ward 14 and Gwen wasn't there, my heart literally sank and I was actually scared. Scared that she might not be there anymore. I never really had to face a fear like that before, it was strangely spirit-stealing, if I can call it that. Then I went to the nurses and found out she was moved to Ward 10. When I saw her there, her smiling face, I don't think I can put that feeling down to words. Life is amazing, I sometimes feel sadden that we're only given one to live. (I mean, I'm not too clear about how the whole afterlife works, so I'm just gonna assume there isn't one.) There's so much to do, so many places to be at and so many people - good and bad - to meet. I feel so blessed suddenly. Life is at one of its tip right now and I'm loving every second of it. :)

2011-07-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

2011-07-06T22:25:00.002+08:00

What I really want right now: I wanna go somewhere far with you, where no one knows us. Somewhere we can both escape to, but I don't want to live like that forever. Just for a period of time; no worries, no responsibilities and no one to answer to. For a moment in time, I want to spend it only with you. Laugh with you, talk to you, eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with you, wake up next to you, walk around with you, go dancing with you. Have you hug me as and when we want to hug. I miss you.

2011-06-28T15:02:00.003+08:00

It's been a year now; 15969.14km.
That's how far we have been away from each other. It's surprising how rarely you squabble when you're not together, as if you don't wanna shake the foundation that you both left at. You've been amazing for the past year. It's amazing how often we talk and how much we still share. Sometimes, I worry it's an illusion on my part and I'll wake up one day. Shattered. There are days where I dream of the moment we actually meet again and I wonder how it'll be. Will both of us be as excited? Will one of us hesitate? Will we realise that the feeling we thought we had wasn't what it felt like it should be? Questions unanswered - at least for the moment. It scares me, but I'd much rather not think about it. We'll live for the now, like we promised to.

Alles gute zum Geburtstag, meine Liebe. ♥

2011-06-25T22:23:00.001+08:00

These are the days where my heart and mind get jumbled up...

2011-06-21T14:27:00.002+08:00

I found a super cute tea house called Adore Tea and a craft shop at Golden Creek Village! An actual proper craft shop - I was so excited and am definitely going back once I have some money. Visited it with Emma today, so our plan to go to Cockington Green failed due to the mad, mad rain but it's not going to run away so ohwells! Some other time :)

Oh what I would give to travel the world!

2011-06-20T19:54:00.005+08:00

Had a rather good weekend since after exams :)

Thursday was an interesting night with Loz and Jem. Jem and I watched "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" while she did my hair. Did my nails with Loz. I miss the girls :| Hung out the entire day with them on Friday and also... recovery :P

Saturday was lovely mainly because I got to exercise away some calories in the morning with swimming and then spent most part of the day with Lizzie, Supabarn shopping and a stroll by the lake, watched "Dirty Dancing" and lots of girly talking. Her dad has officially heard my laughter - I've been judged.

Sunday is amazing because I exercised away more of those piling calories. Max and I cycled the entire Lake Burley Griffin circuit - a total of 35km. I never thought I was survive. We saw some pretty amazing scenery and even chanced upon the National Zoo & Aquarium where I saw giraffes! Love. My butt is really aching now, but I think it was well worth it :)

Today, met up with Perky and went to watch "Bridesmaids" with her and Em. Max Brenners before. I still think Koko B is better than Max B; the latter is rather overrated and too expensive! Got back and just been chilling, so it's been very, very good. I'm gonna visit Cockington Green with Emma tomorrow and starting work on Wednesday! I'm so excited :D

I miss Mum though, despite her nagging and more nagging. I miss being able to walk into the next room and talk to her, about everything and nothing. I miss being able to go shopping with her (and her paying :P) and us having girly time. I miss talking to her and being her almight advisor and she being mine. I miss Mum :(

2011-06-18T08:30:00.003+08:00

I woke up to a message this morning saying that I have missed the train... have I really? Was said train ever there for me to miss it? Or was it just speeding past me, leaving only the wind and the swirling of leaves around my feet. Maybe it did stop for a moment or two, and maybe I had one foot on it, ready to board. But I saw the final destination it was heading towards - Destruction - and I retracted. I've never been one to jump into anything serious irrationally. I overanalyse and I overthink. It's what I do to protect myself. I needed to know and I knew. I laid all the options down on the table and I had a clear look at them. I even contemplated for a second, but I knew what I chose to do was the right thing. The train wasn't ready to detour and I wasn't ready to handle destruction when it came face to face with me. It's a weird connection and I know you feel it too, but it was the right thing to do and it still is. I may not have known you for as long or as well, but I care deeply for your wellbeing and I'm already quite sure I always will. Just like I do for the other, albeit in a slightly different manner.

So don't you tell me I have missed the train. It isn't the right train to board now.

2011-06-12T22:11:00.002+08:00

I just got back from a Maccas run and I wonder... how different would my life be if I didn't meet you and you? I would suppose there would be less of those kinda jokes, less complications with the drama the both of you bring to me and less having to put up with the nonsense and childishness that comes along with you two. But I guess that would also mean that I would have laughed less, cried less and gotten mad less. It's kinda strange how the three of us clicked. You with your little princey, privileged background and strongheadedness which I absolutely cannot stand, the big softie you are. You with your really messed up background and emotional burden and pain buried deep down in you, the sweetheart you are. Me with the jumble of weird moods, quirks and strange thoughts. It's a beautiful mix, I reckon. It's a dangerous one too. Although tonight put this question in my head and made me think. Though I think if I lost either of you right now, I would be genuinely upset. I have a warped sense of love for you two, lots of it. I wanna visit the places you both come from one day in a non-stalkerish manner of course. Just to be there and see the land that made the you and you. And I'm secretly smiling cos I like the fact that you'll both never know it because you'll both never come across this blog post. Ever. Hehe.

2011-06-10T15:16:00.002+08:00

2011-06-09T07:57:00.003+08:00

Have you ever tried to find the lyrics of a particular song that you know the tune and one or two words to on Google? I do it all the time. Yesterday, however... from typing "Hello, hello lyrics" to "What song begins with Hello hello... celebrate" (yes, that was desperation at best). I was trying to find a song that my neighbour was blasting (as usual) and it literally took me the entire day and bouts of frustration to finally get the song. I finally did though, thanks to Trym!

2011-06-09T07:45:00.003+08:00

It's BUSN1001 final exam tomorrow. Since the last time I posted here, so much has happened that I wouldn't even go into details. A summary would go along the lines of: university has started at the ANU, living in Ursies for 6 months now, went up to visit Fi during the Easter Break, final exams start tomorrow, instead of heading to Melbourne, I'll be staying in Canberra and working, going to the Gold Coast in September for UniGames!!!, swimming :), can't wait for after exams. In between all that, too many stories :)

After 6 months of being here, I finally understand what's independence. I do fully appreciate it - having to do everything on your own (laundry just piles up if you don't get your lazy bum outta your room and do it) and solving your own problems (exam stress, college dramas). While I know now, that I'm almost fully capable to be independent, there's still a part of me that misses the dependence I can have on my parents for everything. Knowing that they'll be there to clean up whatever mess I've left behind. But then again, everyone has to 'grow up' in that sense. I truly, truly wonder how it will be when I finally return home and see everyone physically and live with them for a few months at the end of the year... will it be just the way it was before I left? Will I have problems dealing with any constrains put on me? Will I be more of a help around the house with chores? Will I be a better daughter than before? Will I miss this independence here, of doing whatever whenever as long as I can have control over it and stay within the limits? I truly wonder...

On a lighter note, I really have to get rid of the cbox. It's being more of a nuisance with all that spam. :

2011-02-02T18:46:00.002+08:00

2011-02-02T18:25:00.003+08:00

Today's been one of my most productive days. Well, I've had many productive days in my life (heehee), but today is truly a great one. Despite it only happening this morning, I vaguely remember fighting the thought of telling I Yune to go to bed and skip our long-needed skype date as I was too tired from the lack of sleep last night. But in the end, I woke up - groggy and ugly - for our date at 8.30am my time. To no regrets at all! It took me a while to get my mind working and energy coming out, but once it happened, it was one of the best skype video call I had in my life. Not to mention my home internet was working in my favour and being all nice and cooperative, failing only once. :D I consider that a success! It was fun. :) Not the dancing-on-the-dancefloor-intoxicated, nor the squeezing-a-mad-crowd-to-be-right-in-front-of-the-stage fun, it was a relaxing, somewhat nostalgic, girly catch-up, random topics of conversation, feelings-sharing kinda fun. A good type of fun for a perfect Mittwoch. Much needed :) We ended up talking about nothing and everything for 4 hours xD hehe. Girls, what can I say? :P

After which, parental units and I walked to the opposite coffeeshop to meet grandparents for brunch. Really funny stuff we talked about, which is absolutely inappropriate to be shared here, but I had a good time. Ohh! And luck was on my side :P I got the last piece of chicken drumstick from the prata guy xD Heeee.

When I got home, I helped to put up some decorations for Chinese New Year, unpacked the goodies and snacks into the containers and tasting them (but only to make sure they were not spoilt, of course! Psshhh.) :P Helped Mum with preparation for steamboat for tonight's reunion dinner with grandparents, DJ and our family. :) It was pretty fun as I pretended to be a cooking show host and blabbing all sorts of nonsense while cutting up prawns, slicing tomatoes and tofus and mushrooms, hahaha! Following that, I finished up spring-cleaning my room. :D Bookshelf and each and every book (YOU can imagine ><), bedsheets, window blinds (every single line of it), tabletop, polishing my leather bedhead, cupboards, floor, vacuuming and mopping and cleaning and changing bedsheets. Twas a fab workout ;) My room smells awesomeee! It is necessary though, since I'll be leaving in a couple days for a long time and who is gonna do all that pampering for my stuff when I'm gone! :P

Now, I'm gonna take a nice, cold shower and await dinner and guests. Late in the night tonight, we shall be heading to a temple in Xi Bei Road to pray and soak in the atmosphere... though, probably would soak my shirt with sweat and rain (if it rains) more than anything else. But it was nice, yknow? That I get to enjoy such peaceful, yet fufilling days before I leave to Aussieland. :) Speaking of which, 4 more days left in The Red Dot!!!

2011-01-01T02:12:00.003+08:00

So okay, I haven't written in a long time but that doesn't change a thing about me keeping this until I have kids and all that. It's 2.12am in Singapore, January 1st 2011. It's a NEW YEAR! And the thought of it being 2011 brings to my heart (and tummy!) funny butterflies and so much joy. But first, 2010; because all that comes will always need closure.

2010 was a strange year for me. A year of transitions, emotionally (mostly).

Studying for the IB - the best two years of my education life so far. Yknow working does kinda put education into perspective. I really missed school at times and now that I'll be heading back, I appreciate it so much more!
Graduated IB with relatively good grades - :D
Graduation trip to Langkawi - spending time with the people I love, learning about some only at that very last part of our journey together, getting to know new people, Mitch's epic fail tourguide trip, staying up together on the very last night with booze and speeches to end high school.
Adios, dear Penang island - G Hotel sleepovers with Tilly, Ernie, I Yune, Geeby, Shaeny. Spent quality time with the girls and got to know some of them better and sorted out messy dramas with a few of my oldest girl friends before I left Penang. That gave me peace in my heart. Especially when hugging you for the very last time, Portugal. Farewell dinner at BBB was <3
Hello Singapore! - Learning to fit back into this society again, missing and keeping in touch, meeting so many new and wonderful friends back here, got my driving licence. Went scuba diving (finally!) and got certified. Cable-skiing :D Internships at Air Parts and SG, making more new friends at that and gaining valuable life and work experiences. Not giving up on my internships halfway :P Discovering my country in ways I never discovered it before. Zoukout with the wonderful bunch :D Seeing my best friend again, twice.

2010 was a fantastic year. I loved it and so many parts of me want to revisit special moments again. But I've grown to understand that it's just a awesome chapter of my life which now have to be flipped to a clean page. It's kept dear in my heart, very very precious. But 2011 brings with it new possiblities and experiences. Maybe that's why I look forward to it so much as well. My family and a few who've been there for me during my down times while I was back in Singapore... Thank you and I love you too. :)

So how am I kicking start this year? Well the first good sign is that I was being a good girl and stayed at home to celebrate with my family over pizzas and sushis and wine :) It was greatttt! And tomorrow, I'll meet with Boom and Fi, two wonderful people I love who are down in Singapore, and spend good times with them. To me, that's a simple and great start to my year :D In January, I'll be doing some volunteering (something I wanted to do since I came back), working out all those unhealthy fats that have accumulated while doing my internships :P So healthy, I will be :D Prepping for university life (shoppingggg and planning), meeting up with friends I haven't met up in a while. THE BEST AND MOST EXCITING PART is this mother-daughter trip that Mum and I planned together. We're going to Vietnammmmm :D It's my birthday present to her and I hope it'll be something special we share before I leave to Aussieland. I'm SO EXCITED!!! Ahhhhh! In Feb, it'll be Chinese New Year and off to uni and then what happens from there is yet to be known! Mystery, melikes but menervous too. So although I haven't started university like many of you have done so, it was a great half a year spent. Very fruitful and very life-changing. I feel so grown up and so ready for this world :D

2010-11-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

Recently, the topic of "Relationships" have been popping up on a fairly regular basis in my day-to-day conversations with fellow colleagues and friends. Seeing that most of them are in one, have been in one or are going into one, I guess that's not much of a surprise that it ends up as a conversational topic. Well, I have my own set of opinions and thoughts on it. But I was doing my regular internet surfing and came across this post which I do agree with on some points, but not fully of course, since they are not my thoughts.

"It has always been my opinion that many relationships fail because of a lack of realistic expectations. I myself have often used men for my emotional needs; taking and taking all they could offer, and never thinking about the long term consequences of the relationship. As a result, they became increasingly committed, whereas I basked in the attention and love, not even thinking about tomorrow.

On the other hand, I have been in relationships in which I gave everything I had to offer emotionally, physically, materialistically... I did everything possible to ensure myself of their affection and time.

Suddenly finding myself twenty and single for a somewhat longer period of time, I realized that I had never loved anyone for who they were, or how special they were. I easily transferred emotions to the next man who came along, because he could offer exactly that which I had valued in every other man before him. I had never cared about the friendship aspect. All I desired was their affection and attention.

I had been craving nothing but a lover. But you don't need a lover. You need a human being.

You need a friend. You need someone with flaws, and unique characteristics, quirks, peeks, peeves, and habits. Someone who is special to you; different from everyone else. A relationship is more than just the affection and the caresses. It's more than just the sex. It's more than the gifts and compliments.
I think what everyone should strive for, is a relationship with someone whom you would not forsake even if they were left quadreplegic and disfigured after a horrible injury. Someone who would not forsake you if you were diagnosed with multiple sclerosis; who would stay with you even as you deteriorated to nothing.
But that is not a lover. That is a human being. That is a friend, a partner, a mate.

Naturally, being lovers is a crucial element of a relationship. Intimacy is important. But it is not the sole factor, and it should not be the defining factor.

At the end of the day, you want someone who is a lover, a friend, a partner, and a mate. You want a human being."

2010-11-13T00:26:00.004+08:00

I read this today and found that I relate to it. When I travel, that's how I wanna do it.

There is another part of geopolitical travel that is perhaps the most valuable: walking the streets of a city. Geopolitics affect every level of society, shaping life and culture. Walking the streets, if you know what to look for, can tell you a great deal. Don’t go to where the monuments and museums are, and don’t go to where the wealthy live. They are the least interesting and the most globally homogenized. They are personally cushioned against the world. The poor and middle class are not. If a Montblanc store is next to a Gucci shop, you are in the wrong place.

Go to the places where the people you will never hear of live. Find a school and see the children leave at the end of the day. You want the schools where there is pushing and shoving and where older brothers come to walk their sisters home. You are now where you should be. Look at their shoes. Are they old or new? Are they local or from the global market? Are they careful with them as if they were precious or casual with them as they kick a ball around? Watch children play after school and you can feel the mood and tempo of a neighborhood.

Find a food store. Look at the food being offered, particularly fruits and vegetables. Are they fresh-looking? What is the selection? Look at the price and calculate it against what you know about earnings. Then watch a woman (yes, it is usually a woman) shopping for groceries. Does she avoid the higher priced items and buy the cheapest? Does she stop to look at the price, returning a can or box after looking, or does she simply place it in her basket or cart without looking at the price? When she pays for the food, is she carefully reaching into an envelope in her pocketbook where she stores her money, or does she casually pull out some bills? Watch five women shopping for food in the late afternoon and you will know how things are there.

Go past the apartments people live in. Smell them. The unhealthy odor of decay or sewage tells you about what they must endure in their lives. Are there banks in the neighborhood? If not, there isn’t enough business there to build one. The people are living paycheck to paycheck. In the cafes where men meet, are they older men, retired? Or are they young men? Are the cafes crowded with men in their forties drinking tea or coffee, going nowhere? Are they laughing and talking or sitting quietly as if they have nothing left to say? Official figures on unemployment can be off a number of ways. But when large numbers of 40-year-old men have nothing to do, then the black economy — the one that pays no taxes and isn’t counted by the government but is always there and important — isn’t pulling the train. Are the police working in pairs or alone? What kind of weapons do they carry? Are they everywhere, nowhere or have just the right presence? There are endless things you can learn if you watch.

All of this should be done unobtrusively. Take along clothes that are a bit shabby. Buy a pair of shoes there, scuff them up and wear them. Don’t speak. The people can smell foreigners and will change their behavior when they sense them. Blend in and absorb. At the end of a few days you will understand the effects of the world on these people.

2010-11-03T21:06:00.003+08:00

I miss this.

And this.

Maybe Australia would bring me some of this.

And this.

Or even this? :O :P

Life's too short; so let's induldge in this.

And this (in moderation, of course :P).

We should always do this... a great amount of this.

Interesting because I recently thought of this. (And boy, was the list long.)

I would like this.

And this.

And a little of this too. (I'm feeling greedy now!)

I believe in this.

And this.

Most of all thought, I believe in chasing your dreams and following your heart. Being logical when you need to, but going slightly crazy at times. Life is filled with possibilities and adventure and chances and people. It's insane to even begin thinking we are only given one life to live through it all.

2010-11-01T20:41:00.005+08:00

As promised, here I am, updating! A miracle :P Well, I've had this blog for too long to have the heart to let it wither and die off... even if no one is reading it, one day I shall show it to my children, haha. Well, the weekend that just passed gave me a weird mix of feeling - of which I'm still feeling the aftereffects. One of those persistant, nagging kinda feeling that wouldn't leave you alone when you try to sleep, walk to the train station or pee.

Saturday was wonderful. Or should I say, the early parts till the evening was wonderful. The late night completely sucked. Why? Well, I managed to finally hung up all my photo frames above my bed and also pasted half of the photos which I printed for "Singapore home" up! My initial idea was to have them pasted beautifully in the shape of a heart like the one I saw below, but somehow that slipped my mind and I started to stick them up randomly into a blob of photo. It ended up pretty nice too, so I let it pass :) My photo frames of different sizes and frames, however, did end up in a neat rectangular shape, of which I'm very proud of. Thanks to the mother for her help :D It pains my heart a little to know that I'll be leaving my ultra-comfy, super personalised bedroom in a few months for a small dorm in ANU. But it shall be my personal challenge to make that small room as cozy and personalised!

After which, I had a friend over to watch HIMYM Season 5 :D I miss the good ol' days in Penang when Trym or James or I Yune came over to watch TV Series so having that on Saturday; I thoroughly enjoyed. We went to try out this Thai place opposite my home and it was pretty awesomeeeeeee. Until... stupid me decided to go out for the night. And of course, everything had to change and plans changed and we ended up clubbing at Zirca and Rebel in Clarke Quay on a Halloween Night (I forgot my angel's halo even!). It was humid, too crowded and tres boring. We should have just stayed at home. And that was the regretful, awful feeling I have been experiencing in spurs since. :/ Hopefully, it will go away soon.

Speaking of which, time is indeed flying. Way. Too. Fast. It's already the beginning of November and oh, how I remember the celebration of New Year 2010 - still so fresh and clear in my mind. Soon I'll finish off work at SocGen, I would have attended ZoukOut, would have celebrated New Years 2011, make that surprise happen, celebrated CNY and BAM! Off to a foreign land. "Ich bin Ausländer," that thought scares and excites all at once. While I still have the luxury to be in a place I know well (that is Singapore), I shall enjoy the company of those around me and places around me :) Feeling oh-so-lucky to have what I'd like to call my mini gap year.

2010-10-27T22:56:00.001+08:00

Hallo, das ist meine bester Freund.

Ich vermisse ihn.

Isn't it just lovely?

2010-10-01T00:00:00.003+08:00

Three months. That's how long I've been back and it really doesn't even feel that long. So today is quite a significant day of my life. I've completed my first proper internship/work experience at Air Parts. There were lots of emotions I felt when I said my goodbyes. Happiness because I've made friends and learnt so much while I was there. Sadness because it has ended so quickly. Pride because I didn't give up halfway (not that I'm prone to giving up anyway) and have learnt to become financially independent, almost. Excitement for my next internship and my upcoming scuba diving trip to Dayang. Worry as to whether I will perform well for my next internship starting on Monday. It was a bittersweet. I realised that there's still so much in this world for me to learn, to experience and to take risks for.

In the past few weeks, I've accomplished lots. I tried Cableski, for one. Trust me, it looks easy but it's one hell of a challenge. I started out with kneeboarding because according to all the experts, that was the easiest :P Not too bad, my first attempt made it to the end of one side before I fell into the water. I got through an entire round for my second attempt but stupidly let go because I saw the word "Exit" and thought we had only one round each when actually I could have kept going... Typical. When my confidence slowly built up and I got used to falling into the water in front of that many pairs of eyes, I decided to try "Easy Up" - a modified version of wakeboarding. Obviously, not as successful since I fell more than 60 times and making it less than 5m from the starting point. When I did finally made it to the first marker, about 150m from the starting point, I felt this AMAZING feeling of accomplishment. All that falling face down in public humiliation just disappeared. Despite the blisters and soreness from all that swimming, walking, falling, I did it! :D It was overwhelming and I couldn't stop grinning.

Oh, I finally decided to go ahead and start my PADI Open Water Dive course. I passed my theory and practical pool training! So I'll be heading to Rayner's Rock in Dayang for my scuba dive next weekend. That, I'm really excited. It's truly something new to me. Breathing underwater and the dangers that come with it feels somewhat refreshing. I can't wait to have my first open sea dive. Please God, let me see some turtles and clownfishes and I'll be a happy girl. :)

So tomorrow, I'm taking a break. Going to Sentosa for the beach. Bikinis, sun, a good book and new friends. We're moving into the new house soon too! Now that's what I call Life - so much to do, so little time!

2010-09-24T14:27:00.003+08:00

I will update soon, just been so busy with everything. However, I came across my dream wardrobe (save for a few pieces of course) :P

2010-08-31T22:05:00.003+08:00

I love the fact that I grew up with these kinda music. I miss those Hilary-Duff-crazed days. At eighteen, I still relate :)

2010-08-31T21:08:00.004+08:00

There were so many times within the past few weeks when I really wanted to blog, but something always distracted me or I felt lazy before I got there. But today, seeing I gotta wait for Mum and Dad to get back from their night walk in the park, I decided to finally get down to it.

Have you ever looked down the train and realised that almost every human being sitting, standing or squatting (yes I saw people squat in our MRTs) is on his or her iPod, cellphone or funky touch pads thingamabobs? What happened to observing the world around us? Or merely making eye contact with the next thing that's not battery-operated or made of plastic? For me, I consciously make the effort to not plug in my music and zone out from my surroundings. A conscious effort; what has the world become? And no matter how awkward or weird people think it is, I'm still going to smile at people whom I caught staring or random strangers because whether they think I'm a weirdo or not, a smile will doubtlessly brighten up their day. Even for a millisecond. Just a random thought.

I wanna pluck your brains. Go right into your mind and find out what you're thinking. Find out why you're being so insensitive and why you're doing this. What happened in between and if it was just all overrection. Find the missing answers to my questions. Either that, or I could just corner you and stare you down, and demand for an explanation. But then again, if it's not worth your care, why should it be mine? Go away. I don't like you anymore.

2010-08-13T18:29:00.002+08:00

I wanna travel the world.

I will touch every corner of Earth.

Walk with me?

2010-08-13T18:25:00.003+08:00

My new favourite addiction :D

2010-08-13T17:54:00.005+08:00

So much has happened since I turned 18! I don't actually feel physically different since I turned to that oh-so-eagerly-awaited-by-many legal age, but mentally somehow, there's been a nagging voice at the back of my mind telling me to have to act a little more adult-like, more mature. I can't quite put it into words yet, but somehow there's a slight change I feel. That from now on, whatever I do and say, there is a certain benchmark to meet. Possibly one that people associate with being a grown-up. I don't know.

Well, I'm about mega close to securing my first deal with a hugeeee aerospace company whose name I can't disclose due to confidentiality issues. But OMG!!! I am so excited!!!!! :D Today, when I talked to the guy, he actually remembered my name!!! XD I know it must all sound very silly that I get so excited over such a small thing, but it marks my first step into adulthood, my first accomplishment in this new phase of life. The excitement and squeals are more than justified. So on the work front, I am fantastic. Everything is going great and I have about a month and a bit left with this company before I move on to my next challenge at a MNC. :)

On a more personal side of life, I wonder. If given a choice, would you ever want to find out the path of your life? The obstacles you will face, the glorified pinnacles of success, the preventive measures you can take to ensure a smooth-sailing life. Would you want to know it all? Or would you rather take life a day at a time, breezing through the ups and toughening out the downs? Life as a mystery? Life as a quest? I'm confused. I guess if you know what's lying ahead of you, you can be equipped to tackle it better - mentally, emotionally and all. But what's the joy in life if you end up worrying about what's to come... too engrossed in the future to enjoy and love the present? Where is the benefit if you find out that at your most important stages of life (e.g. somewhere in your mid-forties) where you're meant to settle down, earn big bucks and do all those glamorous thing, that you will also face the biggest downfall of your life? If that's the case, please spare me. Maybe it's my naivety talking right now. But I guess I'd like to just go along with life. Yknow, to embrace whatevers to come good or bad, to deal with them one step at a time, to anticipate to unknown. I like Life as a riddle, a journey, a challenge. :)

These past couple of weeks have also taught me to be humble. I mean, I'll admit. Those around me would know my ego can get a little big at times. That my head can explode. But I'm only human and I err. Sometimes I think my pride is the mental block to me taking first steps. First steps to apologise, to approach, to reach out. I gotta knock down that wall, no matter how hard it is. That is what I will get done before I enter university, I must. There are certain friendships that I treasure so much that a little bit of it going haywire will keep me up the entire night. (I'm a natural worrier, that I can't help.) And I don't know if I almost did, but it sure felt like I almost lost one of my closest friends in life to the ridiculous thing I'd like to call my pride and expectations. I have taken the first step to approach :) For that, I'm proud of myself. But there is a certain ~~retard~~ someone that I have to thank for. For he always is right there despite thousands of miles away. He's there teaching me in his own ways to forgive, to thrash it out, to not let the things that are depressing me get the better of me. Though his advice may be strikingly similar to that of my close, loved ones around, but he lets them down in the gentlest manner, cautious of my feelings and never hurting when delivering his point. Comforting altogether. But for all the advices I get from those around me, I am truly blessed.

Life is going at a lovely pace right now. It will get better :)

2010-07-31T00:49:00.002+08:00

MAKES ME WANNA DANCE ALL NIGHT.

Thinking Of You - Katy Perry MTV Unplugged [HD]

2010-07-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

Knowing you miss me is nice, but I would have missed you regardless. ♥

2010-07-26T23:27:00.001+08:00

Internet being sucky? I can so relate :P

Imagine if I picked up surfing in Aussieland :D

2010-07-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

Today has been a splendid day. Truly, truly one of my happiest day since I came back to Singapore. :) Mainly because of a couple of things. Firstly, I received my FIRST EVER PROPER PAYCHECK!!! OHMYGODDDDDD. The feeling is incredible. It actually makes whatever work I have done at the company feel like it has been real (i.e. I have been working). To top it off, I already enjoy the work there. So it's pretty much just the icing on the cake! CAKEEEEE XD That's how happy I am. I have decided to keep the cheque for a day just so I can stare at it in a broad smile before I sleep later tonight. (Yes, I'm weird like that.) And that's just how my day began. It gets better :P

Took half the day off to settle all my miscellaneous things that I have been putting off. So world, since you've been wondering and asking around, I shall now reveal my future whereabouts. Dad and Mom took me to accept my offer from ANU and during the briefing on pre-departure and all, there were so many things going through my head. All hidden behind that dead-serious-all-about-business look on my face. Everything sounds so exciting! The completely foreign environment; the new faces; the room-decorating process (AHHHH!); the catered food; the finding and figuring life out; the lectures; the sports; the balls. I'm screaming in my head already. Shrieking, to be exact. Something Carol would obviously not approve of, given her seemingly calm composure. Something I Yune would totally join in once her fear is removed and she's ready. :) I still miss Penang, but when I know that such things are firmly held in place in my near future, it's easier for me to look forward than back. Yay :D

Right now, I'm optimistic. I'm pretty sure everything is gonna be alright. Just like what good ol' Bob said. :)

2010-07-19T23:40:00.003+08:00

2010-07-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

2010-07-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

It's a strange, funny feeling. The state of apathy. I remembered when I first learn of the word "apathetic" years back; it was from that supposedly funny song on something about being an emo kid. (Note: I never was an emo kid.) I never quite understood what it meant as clearly as I'm feeling it right this very moment. It's not that I don't care. I just don't feel anything now. A void of emotions. No idea why either. :/

Work was pretty interesting today. I realised that lots of what I learnt in Business and Management is quite useful, especially in my most hated section of Marketing. Don't ask me why but I never quite liked it much (and it was the longest section too!). My favourite was always Human Resource and Topic 1 :P But at least it proves to have some use in my life. I had to draw up a Business Profile and a brochure for the firm today. Racked my brains real hard and I think I didn't do too bad, hehe. I'm quite enjoying work. Is that a sign of growing up? Or growing passion, one wonders. One of my favourite parts of work is lunchtime. Not just because I get to eat -.- but because of the company. I have lunch daily with Uncle Yong and let's just say, everyday's conversation is always fresh, always interesting, always abundant. He's such a friendly, wise person and it's so easy to talk to him. Not to mention, mega helpful whenever I need help too! Working life is really different from all that textbook stuff. It's true what they say, that school never teaches you what you need to know in life. But I'm learning. So on that side of life, Perfekt!

Me two and a half years ago would never have thought me now would say this. But I miss Penang. I guess, not so much the place itself, but more of the people and times there. I know that everyone is leaving or has left so even if I go back now, it won't be the same. Tilly vouches for that, haha. Suddenly, it does seem like a memory somewhat distant. My two and a half years of journey there. Going to Gurney almost every other day, watching (damn, I really miss this one) RM6 movies, going to the beach, to Sunset (mango juice and chicken nuggets!), driving up the winding road, having Chili's every other week (sometimes every week), bad shopping... and so much more. I'm pulling the sleeves together, trying to lock these memories up nice and tight in my heart. It's not always that easy, but it will be one day. One fine day, I can open it up without feeling any sadness or missability. I can open it up, smile and IF I cry, IF, they would be tears of joy :) For now, moving on and coping. One thing though, no regrets at all. For everything that happened there.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed in any way; just reminiscing and feeling nostalgic. The state of apathy is fading (woo!). In fact, I do look forward to life. And when I start to think about it starting from the nearest future... Work, Pilates (lovelovelove), 1st (proper) paycheck - those babysitting days don't quite count, achtzehnten Geburtstag!!!, Deutsch, moving into the new house, university. OMG!!! I get those tingles in my tummy, the excitable ones that make me clap my hands and squeal :D So, I squeal, occasionally. What the heck. It puts a smile on my face. BRING. IT. ON. WORLDDDDDD. ;)

2010-07-14T22:48:00.002+08:00

2010-07-14T22:15:00.003+08:00

So, a little bird told me to blog more often and longer. Let's see...

I will turn 18 in two weeks' time. That means I'll be legal for many things, mostly unhealthy and destructive things :P It also means more responsibilities, maturity and all the other adultish stuff. In a way, I don't know if I look forward to adulthood. Sure, there's the freedom and the trust from my parents but it doesn't come free (like all other things in life). I gotta keep up with showing them I can handle the peer pressure, manage my freedom, stick to my discipline and the list goes on.

Speaking of the adult movement, I have started interning at this company three days ago. It's a SME, so I get the opportunity to be involved in lots more than compared to if I joined a MNC. Acronyms acronyms, gotta love em'! Anyway, so far my job is quite manageable. Considering a green horn fresh from high school grilling them on every minute detail of every new thing she sees or hears, I would say the people are really nice and helpful. My job includes answering phone calls, meeting customers and people related to the company, doing admin. work and starting tomorrow, I have requested politely to get down and dirtyyyy :P which means, I would also go into the store and do things like stock-taking, unpacking and packing shipments and products etc. It's all quite exciting and new, I'm pleased. To commemorate, I've marked this significant change in my life with a change in my blogskin - my usual practice for the last four years since this blog was created. :)

Also, I have graduated from the IB! Quite pleased that I managed to snag the Biligual Diploma... all that time writing hundreds of essays in English and Mandarin (my two first languages) have not gone to waste :) I remember the heartache I felt when I threw my huge stack of IB work (essays, research info., notes, you name it) away. It ached, badly. For, like, half a day and then I got over it because it was out of sight. But the two years of late-nights-supposedly-doing-work-but-really-chatting-on-MSN, emotional outbursts at the worst possible times (think: the night before final exams, a deadline) and the many ups and downs through the IB, they've been worth it. Worth every sweat, tear, laughter, smile, anger, disappointment, hurt, stress, white hair (not that I have any, but some do and I'm just saying), nerve. All of it. Totally. Worth. It. Looking back, I do miss the times then.

OHWELLS. Life goes on and now I'm in a new chapter. The handwriting isn't that perfect since I'm getting used to the fresh new page again. Not really sure what I'm writing but still moving on to write, to fill up the pages of this new chapter, to explore, to fall, to conquer. Occasionally when I do feel a little lost, I turn back to my previous chapter and take a peek, get some advice and then flip back to the now and press on. Hello, my advisors from my previous chapter, you know who are you. I love you all :)

Good night world.

2010-07-05T21:23:00.002+08:00

My head is feeling a whirlwind of emotions now. The anxiety and nerve are still there, the happiness and relief - check. The dawning that this is the official end of my high school life and from now on, I'm moving on to greater things and greater heights, yes I'm feeling it. The fact that I'm now back in Singapore for good until my next chapter of university, hmm. The nostalgia from my missing of friends back in Penang and all over the world. Everything. Have you ever felt feelings so intricately woven together? So wonderfully sweet, yet strangely unsettling? I guess that's how you feel when you achieve one of the biggest accomplishments of your life. But, I can only guess. There's still another, three years down the road. The biggest yet.

And after all that happiness, relief, tears, screams (hell, I didn't know I could scream that loudly) and congratulations, in the comfort of my warm shower, that few minutes when my mind could regain its balance and not have my heart jump outta my chest, I thank. I thank my parents for always being so supportive throughout my two years going through the IB, I thank them from their kindness, patience and forgiveness. My mom, who would boil those medicinal soups for the brains :P My dad, who would stop whatever he was doing to revise my Physics the day before a test. My mom, who would come into my room almost every night to make sure I am sleeping and having enough rest. My dad, who would always encourage me when I feel weak and lousy. Thank you, both of you. For everything you have done for me. :)

2010-06-19T17:19:00.004+08:00

I am learning that parting ways is one of Life's greatest heartache. The four days at Langkawi was amazing and I admit, my limited vocabulary is insufficient to describe all the memories; the wonderful people I know but never met until then, the obvious betrayals from those I thought I know, the beautiful people I love, the giggles, the talks, the walks, the new experiences. Langkawi, Penang; islands. Who would ever thought?

Tomorrow, I am going to move away from my home in Batu Ferringhi. Today, I dedicate my whole day to packing up things I things I need at least three days to pack up. Yesterday, my heart broke into pieces. But it's all gonna be okay in time to come because I have a shirt, I have 4 wallet-size photographs, I have a huge teddy bear. Most importantly, I have memories, I have loved and been loved and the greatest of all, the feeling's mutual :P

Breathe. Live. Cry. Laugh. Remember. Smile. Heartaches. Time. Love. Penang. Singapore. Uplands. Finola. Trym. I Yune. Boom. Vince. Geeby. Wenlu. Shaeny. Hui Ern. James. Adam. Mitch. Ryu. Tilly. Mayuri. Douglas. Mr Whittlestone. Mr Neild. Mrs Neild. Kalani. Mr Allen. Mrs Field. Mr Skinner. Breathe.

2010-06-08T23:09:00.001+08:00

2010-06-06T22:39:00.003+08:00

Right now, it's almost like a whirlwind. IB is finally over and time seems to be flying past mercilessly. Soon, it'll be time to leave Penang (in about a month's time) and that marks my 2 years and 6 months in this tiny island. In another month's time, 5th of July, to be exact, the IB results will be out online worldwide. Honestly, I don't know what to expect. In some ways, I don't wanna have any expectations because I always believe with expectations, come disappointments. But with university, career choices etc at hand, it's hard to not give the final outcome a thought. All I can do at this very point is to cross my fingers and hope the rest of the world feels the same way. Maybe with a stroke of miracle, the grade boundaries would plunge. Or not. :P Ah wells.

Anyway, I'm quite contented now. In fact, I might even say that I'm truly happy and feel so blessed. Living in the now sure isn't easy, but it's doable I guess. It's the end that brings truth to sight; the true friends and what Vinny calls "fake face". That night by the beach and cheap beer, he spoke words of wisdom. An epiphany struck me yesterday, took my thoughts into the far, far future and back when I heard my name being called. And now, I kinda wished that I still keep a diary... I used to, but stopped a couple of years back. It's quite scary too, fighting against time. You take a gazillion pictures trying to capture the moments, the feelings, the thoughts, the people, the places and you print them and paste them on the walls of your university dorm. You write letters; you receive them. You say the I'll miss you's and I love you's. All for the sake of taking a piece of those you love and leaving a piece of yourself for them. I guess that's what form memories. Let's pray I don't get early stage dementia then :P

Graduation in 6 days' time, Langkawi in 8. Then its au revoir, meine History! Hello Future. :D

You put the beautiful in Life. :)

2010-05-19T21:10:00.000+08:00

YES WORLD. I AM TAKEN.

2010-05-07T11:37:00.001+08:00

2010-04-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

Plans; opportunities.

When you want something so badly.

Dreams; future.

A couple of steps more, so near yet so far.

Adrenaline; intellect.

Performance.

2010-04-08T23:22:00.003+08:00

I realised that my country is downright ridiculous at times. The regulations and procedures for bringing pets into the country alone is... insane. The tags of "Be kind to animals", "Be a responsible pet owner" is full-on hypocrisy when the country itself closes almost every door on you when you're desperately trying to maintain those tags. Why make it so tough for people who genuinely care and love their pets to bring them over? Why slap on a category for them to be put into and ergo, caused them to be unable to bring their pets over because of logistic, financial and practicality issues. Why pretend to be such a caring country when you cannot even compromise on issues not affecting the safety of this country in any way; issues that merely sprouted out for the sake of paperwork? Oh, and for being environmentally-friendly "green" country? I refer you to Miss Carol Ong's blog dated 4 April. Sometimes, I think you talk complete bullshit.

There were a few other things I wanted to complain about my country, but I shall take a breath. Anyway, enough of my rants. This cold and sore throat isn't doing my temperament any good. I'm going to bed.

2010-03-30T21:14:00.002+08:00

Is it really better to know the truth or would you rather live in a delusional state of happiness? I guess most people would, within seconds, pick the former. But hang on, slow down and think again. Isn't happiness the ultimate goal? So, why find out the truth if it will cruelly snatch your happiness away? But the cynics would tell you to "face it". Knowing the truth helps you face reality, which is anytime better than being deluded, no? Just a random thought that's been going through my mind recently. Wanting to, but wondering how I can keep on trusting you.

My moods are pretty weird lately. Been having days when I don't feel like talking to anyone or smiling or laughing or being mad - just days when I live, for the sake of living. Shouldn't this only happen like way way before the exams start to draw close? Getting mad at myself for no particular reason, feeling mad at the world and I have no idea why. It's completely weird. I WANNA RUN MY LAST RACE WITH THE PASSION OF A STARVING ARTIST AND THE DETERMINATION OF AN ATHLETE.

Sometimes, no matter how much you do or how much you try,

someone will not understand how much you've done until you're gone

&&they have no one left who actually cares about them,

who can look out for them, and who will understand.

2010-03-21T01:14:00.004+08:00

meet

Finally, after a patient wait of two years, Mom finally got me a new phone; Nokia E72 :D Super mega happy! I shall do a proper update soonish, at the moment I'm working on past paper feeling like a loserrrrr :P

2010-03-09T20:43:00.001+08:00

I remember how I shut myself out for three months two years ago for this very same reason. I wanna do it again.

2010-03-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

I
AM
SO
HAPPYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-05T00:31:00.003+08:00

I found this song very inspiring. It also encompasses what I feel for some people, whether I still speak to them often or not. (lyrics)

Currently, I'm at the pi over four of a sine curve stage of my life right now. The peak would be when I'm done with the IB and moving on to the larger world. I've been feeling lately that life in Penang is dragging. Both in a good way and bad. Good; such that I'm still with my family and friends in my comfort zone. Bad, because I feel that life is wasted - there's still a thousand different places to go, things to see, people to meet. Life is waiting to be experienced, enticing, tempting. But I'm stuck here. Why? Waiting for my IB exams to start so I can complete them. When I'm on youtube and I watch these introductory videos made by students from those universities of my dream, I get so excited. Ooo, I wanna make one of my own one day :D

Understood. It's the baby steps that'll lead me there. One step at a time, or so Jordin Sparks says. I'm probably too eager, wanting to be out there. The Great Unknown. Mom and Dad will probably say, "Wait till you're out there before you know what it's like. It ain't all that sugar, spice and everything nice." But time doesn't wait, you know? Sometimes I think that all these exams, admissions, labels, 45 points, they make people feel old.

2010-03-01T16:24:00.000+08:00

I’m thinking that it might actually be possible for things to work out sometimes.

Definitely not everything and maybe not the way you imagined.

But sometimes, when you least expect it,

Life surprises you.

2010-02-22T18:48:00.002+08:00

Today was surreal. Lunch with you was exactly how I hoped it would have been: a little weird, a little uncomfortable. Yet, so very familiar and most importantly, comfortable and friendly. I know it's confusing :P There's still the concern and the care, but minus the complications. I suppose, that's how it was suppose to be after all :)

Now, my TOK essay which I wanna beat Mr. Speak-louder-I-can't-hear-you-and-you-stop-talking. UGHHH. Dyu know how much effort it takes to write a TOK essay? It's basically Philosophy and as much as I don't like to consider myself superficial, I don't think about how the ways of knowing generally affect my life because, to be honest, there are more important and immediate concerns in my life such as improving my HL Math and getting my annoying cough sorted.

Breathe Cheryl, breathe.

2010-02-13T18:16:00.001+08:00

It'd be magical :)

2010-02-13T16:59:00.002+08:00

You can really tell a lot about a person from the way they drive. On Wednesday was my day out with Mom. Sitting by Gurney Drive, waiting while Mom rushed home to put out the fire that she left burning on the stove, I spent my time watching the people drive by. Those people driving their brand new Mercedes and BMW tend to be either on their phones talking away as if of the greatest self-importance, or laid back on their seats cruising along. They send out a signal "I've made it in life". Whereas those driving their Protons and Kembaras seem to stretch their necks out forward more frequently, as if strained by the stress of life and looking for opportunities. Well, of course, this is by no means a classification of status; a segregation of class. Rather, it subtly hints at the dynamics of life - survivors and luck. Oh, and who can forget the too-familiar red cab at the back, honking to get ahead.

The following day was one filled with less philosophies and more practicality. But both days made me smile and laugh as if nothing else (i.e. IB) mattered in the world. Who said that the world can't continue to surprise you? :)

2010-02-08T19:50:00.007+08:00

I suppose it's true what they say; that when you carry out a drastic enough change to your physical appearance, your moods, behaviour and thoughts tend to change a little as well. Recently, I acquired two more piercings when I went back for Christmas and coloured my hair last Friday. I feel more daring, more open and my rebel side is brought out slightly. ;) I watched "The Tooth Fairy" on Saturday and Dwayne Johnson's face is so rubbery. Like elastic and funny! I had fun with the few people that I rarely go out with, t'was good.

At the moment, I don't really know what to say to you. It's possible that you're one of the very few who has seen through my soul and know me through and through. Seen through my tricks and my moods, know how to handle me and know what to do. But sometimes, you make it quite hard. Yknow, when all of a sudden you choose to interpret the way I say things or purposely misinterpret them. You say you joke, but sometimes, all I need is someone who understands me without having me explain myself to them all the time (I know you understand me, but you rarely make it easy).Who says "I understand" and simply holds me in his arms. I need someone who can be a solid rock for me to turn to when I'm down. I really don't mind the pride issue, I mean, you should know by now it's no longer an issue. But it's me feeling like you're not treating me right when all I do is care. I don't wanna sound like your Mom, but I told you before. I truly care. Maybe I shouldn't anymore, if that makes us misunderstand less. Maybe I should turn a blind eye to your studies because I sound annoying to you (even if you deny it). Cause at least then, I don't feel like I'm doing something that you get upset at me for. You don't have to apologise to me, you really don't. But I just want you to know that I feel really hurt today. And it really took quite a lot for me to reply your msn messages when I'm feeling this way. I don't wanna be someone you just kick away or take back depending on your moods.

2010-02-01T18:18:00.002+08:00

I had so much fun this weekend! :D

Friday: Walked to Sunset with Vince. Ahh, I love his company ~~except when he points out my physical flaws with no sympathy or hesitation~~. Went for dinner and then a walk along the beach :) Mixed fruit platter + Earl Grey Tea (me!) versus Tiger Beer (Vinny). Oh and he wanted to slap someone for me, awww :P He didn't in the end, obviously. Had long talks about everything, which felt so good. Mom texted to give me an hour's extension and I became giddy (literally) with happiness. Lol. Lots of happiness that night.

Saturday: Finally bought my Chinese New Year clothes at Queensbay. Fret no more! Then at night, it was Fi's birthday at Hard Rock. Initially, it didn't start out nicely cause Hard Rock messed up quite a few things for her. Also, a band that sang only Malay &&Hindi songs and spoke only Malay was polluting the place with noise. Mitch and I took a walk outside to get away from it and then he had a tummy ache -.- So the whole way, it looked as if I punched his tummy or something. But the walk was really nice :) When we got back, the amusing/irritating band was gone (yay!) but they took away our unfinished salmon (boo). Anyway, it was mega fun after. Jack, Mitch, Fi and I were dancing to "I Gotta Feeling" next to the stage and I can't dance -___- so yes, ~~let your imagination run wild people~~. But thank goodness no one knew me xD

Sunday: Went to Midlands with Mom and Dad to get some dvds, but the ones I wanted weren't out yet. So instead we got "The Stepfather", "It's Complicated" and "Beyond Borders". Got home and we marathoned the whole day. WAS SO FUN. :D I loved it!!!

No work done at all. Felt darn gooooood. :)

2010-01-25T18:20:00.003+08:00

2010-01-25T18:04:00.003+08:00

Today I had a good day because:

I received random hugs in school even when I don't hug back;
Mom bought me salmon sushi for after school which was amazingly good;
Two people whom I haven't talked to in a long time talked to me and joked with me;
I felt loved and I loved;
I kept smiling for no reason;
I got my Econs coursework draft back with not much corrections to do;
I get to work on my 3rd TOK essay draft.

Life is darn good. :)

2010-01-20T22:32:00.003+08:00

I had such a good laugh on my way to dinner, over dinner and on my way home from dinner today, twas a fantastic school night! :D But all thanks to my Mom. Life can be oh-so-unexpectedly-good.

2010-01-10T00:32:00.003+08:00

Before I wrote this, I was at three different blogs. Three different blogs that belonged to a group of very different girls. They wrote about very different things. Some wrote about things relevant to their lives, some about things that occur to them and others simply about things they discovered. I guess that's one of the best things of being a girl; we reflect and think and put them down into words. Not that boys can't do that. Just that we girls do it more often.

Recently, I've realised that living for the moment; in the present is really amazing. :) I'm the kind of person that will plan everything. I plan my week. I plan my future. I plan my life. Everything should always go according to plan and a twitch in plans would possibly equate to something like putting me into a human grinder. When I first started to "live for the moment" a couple of days back, I was scared. Scared like crazyyyy. Because for one, I wasn't sure what was going to happen or how things were going to turn out. They weren't planned, you see. Not thinking about the future was also hard. I had to consciously shove it aside and lock it up into one of the many compartments in my brain. I wasn't born to not plan I guess :P But then I slowly got used to the idea. I enjoy living for now. Doing things and being with people that make me happy :) It makes me really happy. It's something I haven't truly felt in a long long time. Being happy properly and that happiness stays. To a certain extent, I'm embracing this new-found way of living.

Doesn't mean I won't plan anymore. I still think a lot about the future; my future. I still deal with my fears about it and dream my dreams. What if I don't get in? What if I don't achieve that? It's just now, I don't just look at the future. I see the present and appreciate every moment of it that passes by. The wind in my hair, the laughters around me, the smile on their faces. Everything of it.

&&I miss my little sister so much. I mean, I'm glad there's no one there to steal my clothes anymore, but there's also no one's bed I can climb into in the middle of the night to talk to. :/

2010-01-04T19:01:00.001+08:00

I do not care how much positivity everyone in trying to drum into my head because all my brains can tell me now is that:

TOMORROW IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

2009-12-31T17:02:00.002+08:00

2009-12-31T16:35:00.002+08:00

When I woke up today, I didn't realised it is already New Year's Eve until during the afternoon when I accidentally stumbled upon a "30 December" calendar page thrown away in the bin. Really? Has it really been one year already? For the last two years, I have faithfully posted a reflection of my whole year - smiling upon the good times and making my peace with the bad ones. But this year, year 2009, I don't fully know if I'm glad it's over or not. ~~I don't really feel like reminiscing.~~

2009 has been a strange year.

Possibly one of the weirdest in my life. I guess it started off quite nicely with a BBQ celebration at my home in Batu. A celebration together with my loved ones :) But I don't quite know how to describe the way that it is ending. (Note to self: Improve on vocabulary.) As for the in-betweens? Well, there were connections discovered and made, there were connections broken and repaired and then there were connections that seem to be lost forever. I suppose that's the funny thing about realising that you are growing up. Some people grow up without realising the process of it; some people grow up acknowledging every bit of it. Me? I guess this year, I indulged in the latter. Despite everything, I am thankful for 2009. Thankful for everything that happened and everyone I ever came into contact with. I learnt a damn load of Business/Physics/Econs. I learnt about how I can completely fail at Math sometimes. I learnt about humour &&sarcasm. I learnt how to love &&be loved. I learnt about disappointments &&the people around me. I learnt how to laugh at myself after crying for nights. I guessed it was a year of learning. A year of lessons. The bell has rung: It's time to close the textbooks and head out. Hmm... I wonder, what 2010 would bring. Whatever it is, I have a feeling it's definitely gonna be wayyy interesting ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :D

2009-12-28T18:36:00.003+08:00

I AM BACK IN SINGAPORE. :D

Loving the 90km/hour-oh-so-normal driving and the public toilets that provide tissue. (Excuse me, this is important when you're someone who doesn't carry tissue around). &&of course, the extremely distracting shopping which is causing me a lot of my revision time. But the best? Spending time with family and friends. Yesterday, filmed mercilessly with his video camera, Bryan took the process of me getting my third (and hopefully final) pair of ear piercings! Mom allowed me to bring it forward because I passed my driving test, hehe. Life's been good. I think I really needed this break. A good 1 hour flight away from the drama, the pressure, the all and what-nots. Though it is not so much of a break considering how we have Mock Exams the next day I land in Penang. >< Anyway, I'll enjoy it while it lasts and hopefully squeeze some studying in. I REALLY HAVE TO. Gahh.

I miss the two of you!

2009-12-20T19:23:00.004+08:00

Words can only say so much.

Do you know of the feeling when you have tears you can't shed?

Do you know of the feeling when you have words you can't speak?

How about when you stand alone, trying to weigh whether it's worth it or not?

Tears in exchange for a smile.

Have you ever had your hopes built up sky-high, only to have them crashing down in the end?

Disappointments in exchange for?

Was it love you call it? Or infatuation? Or happily-ever-afters?

Shouldn't it be heartaches and pain? Shouldn't it be illusions and lies?

Questions with no answers.

If only time would be kind enough to rewind; go back.

Be kind to the lost souls and merciful to the sinners.

A second chance at cleaning up; a second time to choose your path.

It's never a good sign when I realised that I cannot trust.

I question, I wonder. I question, I wonder.

2009-12-02T23:20:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, the strangest things in life brings about joy.

English figurative speech: Begins with a bang.

After going through Google Translate...

Simplified Chinese: 开始，伴随着一声巨响

Don't judge me for finding joy in that :P

2009-11-27T13:38:00.002+08:00

People, this is not a load of rubbish ;)

W/v)/Phww&)ve/lCjveDavDviC/amjviC/ambvw:zCCmjvezbyvP$ayDlmjvamilmbavD$jv#)abmlz/PavlzjjCma8w]vP$jmlab//jvO/Fmvnl/#v$/FmCa0wO/FmveDavz$bD$xzECmhvP$b/PiyDECmhvP$lmDiyDECm8ww&)ve/lCjveDavDviC/amjviC/ambhvP$bzCv]v#mbv)/P8wo/PvEl/Pxybvezbyv)/PvbymvBm)vb/v#)vymDlbhwo/PvEl/Pxybv#mvA/)vDavnPCCvDavDviDlb8w?$jCmaavCDPxybmlahvEPbvbym$viD#mvbmDlavb//8ww&)vC/Fmhv]vD;/C/xzam8w:/lv;lzjmvD$jvblPabv/nbm$v#zaxPzjmahw>/PEbaviyDz$mjvezbyvnmDlv/$imviDPamjvb//v#D$)vDiymawWy/Pxyv$/ehv]vammvby/amvemlmvbymvl/Pxymlvlzjma8ww]viD$$/bvmf;lmaavbymvjm;byv/nvy/ev#Piyv]vnmmChw]viD$$/bvj/vl/#D$bzivxmabPlmavDav/;m$C)vD$jvnlmmC)vDav)/P8wPbhv)/Pv$mFmlvnDzCvb/vP$jmlabD$jvw6ym$v]vD#vnmmCz$xvECPm8wwVPiyvC/FmvemvayDlmhvezbyvDvnPbPlmvP$B$/e$8w]vB$/evzbvi/#mavDvnmmhvbymv;lzimv/nveyDbvezCCcEm8w6mv#D)vaPnnmlvbymvymDlbDiyma0vemv#D)vaPnnmlvbymvbmDlahwPbvDCCvzavn/lxzFm$hvDCCvzave/lbyveym$vzbvi/#mavj/e$vb/v)/Phv#)vC/Fm8

2009-11-24T19:35:00.000+08:00

2009-11-24T18:28:00.004+08:00

A very dear someone told me today that it is nice to know that people care about you; that they bother about your insignificant existence in this world and they thought of you that day. While we are constantly preoccupied with our work, family, school, life, friends and whatnot's, we so very often find ourselves thinking about a certain someone (family/lover/friend) for short lapses of time in between our hectic schedules. Admit it, we all do.

Words, actions, facial expressions, smells, sounds... they all trigger memories. They bring me back to the has-beens and will-bes. Right this very moment, I miss laughing in the car with my family on our drives up the winding road. I miss cuddling, walking by the beach and watching the sunset. I miss drinking mango juice at Sunset. I miss House and Boston Legal television time with my family. I miss Singapore. I miss Singapore's chicken rice. I miss talking late into the night with my uncle. I miss messing around with my cousins. I miss holding hands.

Thinking about it makes me realise that there're so many things, so many people I miss right now that it's insane. But I don't worry. Because I know above all that missing, I am loved too. By my parents who actually care, by my friends who stood by me and by my bestest friend of all. The difference lies in knowing you are genuinely love and simply saying you are :)

It is nice to hear someone tell you that they miss you.

2009-11-23T17:21:00.002+08:00

Let me introduce to you Gossip. Gossip is evil; Gossip is Drama's partner-in-crime. Not that I don't hang out with Gossip at times, (here is where I insert my sexist statement) but I think being a girl it's hard to not get involved with them. Drama is scary - she lurks around you inconspiciously and sucks you in when you don't notice. I managed to stay out of Drama's way for a while now, but this year I bumped into her time and again. Oh, Gossip too.

My dad often wonders, "Why can't girls just learn how to keep their mouth shut and not speak bad of others?" I wonder too. Not that I'm not guilty of that, just that there's a nagging feeling at the back of my head whenever I feel like I'm overstepping the boundaries and I stop myself. that's why I survived Gossip and Drama until age 17. Well, sometimes I think girls talk because they want to express their feelings and to them, letting it all out without a care of whether it hurts or not is what matters most. Sometimes I think girls talk because they have the intent to hurt (which is downright bitchy - your words ;) - mind you). On all the other times, I think girls mainly talk to entertain, both themselves and their friends. Whatever it is though, it's a vicious cycle. What goes around comes around, right?

Gossip and Drama: The queen bees of our school; the determinants of live or die. While I steer clear from their paths, hopefully they'll get the hint to do the same. If not, watch me as I feed them their taste of their medicine.

Yes people, girls are "evil", no matter how much they don't seem so :P On a lighter note, I am glowing from the inside these days! :D